no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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