I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
