we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is Oprah even human
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
