he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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