i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
