Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize