i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
