is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
