She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's just like the Real World with babies
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
