i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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