Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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