Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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