Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
