Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
