We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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