He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
