the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
