Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
