Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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