dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
