Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
