everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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