I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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