You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
