Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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