i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
