Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
