your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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