I should be sponsored by Trojan
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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