Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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