Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't put those talents on a resume
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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