Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
