Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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