i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
