Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
