dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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