i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
