do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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