Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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