i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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