omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
