My underwear smells like fireworks.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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