i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
