you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
