I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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