Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
