also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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