I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
