you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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