I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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