I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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