areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.