Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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