she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
