"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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