So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
