I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You left your phone here
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