He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was CRYING into my vagina
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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