Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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