false alarm. still invincible.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
