I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
