she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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