You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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