i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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